In December of 2011, Cody and I found out we were expecting our first child. Of course we were both ecstatic, but also very nervous of what pregnancy would entail for us. We set forth on our journey and in April we we were told we were expecting a boy. Oh goodness! A boy! I just knew I was having a girl and had to reset my plans for blue instead of pink. We now had a son on the way, Boston Cruz Bunyard. From there, it was smooth sailing until August. I had normal blood pressure, good checkups, and I even passed my glucose test the first time. Aside from the massive amount of weight I was gaining, everything was going as planned. The remaining months consisted of nursery preparing, baby showers, and maternity pictures. I made it to the 38th week. I had a good checkup on Wednesday, and then disaster struck on Friday.
At 38 weeks, I realized that Boston's movement had seriously declined. After what seemed like a preventative trip to the emergency room, Cody and I were hit the worst news a parent can receive. We had lost our child. There was not a heartbeat present during our ultrasound. We would not make it to 40 weeks and we could not take our son home. Our worst fears had come true.There are absolutely no words to describe the immense amount of grief that we felt, and continue to live with. But every day gets better.
We are not sure what happened. There are no reasonable answers of what went wrong. I don't think we will ever know. We were completely blindsided and had never heard or had any interest in the term Stillborn. But now that word is engraved in our lives forever. According to statistics, in the U.S there are 25,000 stillbirths annually — 71 per day.
My family would not have survived this without the love and support from our friends, extended family, and community. Most importantly, I think we survived the storm through prayer. Every prayer for us was heard and God reinforced that we were going to be okay. He reminded us that he has a plan and Boston was too angelic to keep away from heaven. With the trust in our Lord, we can continue on.
So many hearts were, and are continually, touched by Boston's story. We appreciate every sweet embrace, smile,and kind word concerning our son. It genuinely warms our hearts. Cody and I are so honored to be his parents.
You are VERY much loved and thought of ALL the time. I no that God has a reason for what he has done and though NONE of us can see it or understand it, one day we will all understand. No that if there is ANYTHING you need James and I are here for you and will ALWAYS be by your side. Love you Jackie
ReplyDeleteThat is a precious quote about the elephant. What an awesome thing to imagine. And I certainly hope you are feeling that same level of support and love right now. I am glad you've updated your blog and added this column. Just like we talked about the other day-- just being able to talk about sweet Boston can be calming and comforting :)
ReplyDelete"Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way." 2 Thessalonians 3:16
Most importantly know that above anyone else, God can give you the comfort that you need in this time. He will uphold you, He will sustain you, and He will take care of you... Here are some of my favorite verses that I need to hear in time of trials-
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
"The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail" Isaiah 58:11
"But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head. I was crying to the Lord with my voice, And He answered me from His holy mountain." Psalm 3:3-4
Still praying everyday for you and Cody! Love you, friend!
I keep you and your husband in my prayers every night! I know we haven't spoken as our lives have taken different paths over the years, but my heart is still heavy for you! God has a plan for all of us and you can only trust that his plans for Boston were far greater than anything he could accomplish here on Earth! If you ever need anything....even just to talk I am here. I hope better days come and know that Boston walks with God and watches over your family! Love, Paige
ReplyDeleteJessica: I conveyed my thoughts and prayers through Rachel because I was unsure how to say anything to you and Cody, and really didn't feel it was my place. I have been thinking about and praying for you all since she told me. I cannot even imagine your heartache, but it looks like you are keeping your faith in God and becoming stronger. Cody is a lucky, lucky man to have such a strong woman in his life, and you are a lucky woman to have such an amazing, supportive man (and family and friends). God bless y'all!
ReplyDelete